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Post by Her Highness on Dec 9, 2015 14:51:51 GMT
 Eldee's gorgeous family
What do you consider the ideal family structure should be? Please discuss these concepts: 1. Happiness 2. Individualistic / Collectivism (external family interferes) 3. Family size 4. Roles [if you think roles should apply] 5. Income (dual or tradition) Tradition incomes refers to a working husband and a housewife. 6. Number of kids (should it be based on income, time or society population) 7. Polygamy 8. Others For the married ladies and gentlemen, your posts are even more important because you know the reality of marriage. Belmot , Omoluabi , dansoye1 , AgbongboAkala , zaynie , Moffy , Interloper , IrekeOnibudo , Shymmex , Omo Oba of the Source , osoronga , @quimicababes , iyalode , Iya Niyen! , OmoOba , Honorebu |
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Post by Honorebu on Dec 9, 2015 14:57:43 GMT
His username is naplesflorida
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Post by Omoluabi on Dec 9, 2015 15:03:36 GMT
Interesting thread. I'll be back....
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 9, 2015 15:17:18 GMT
Personally I think the ideal family is the extended family rather than the nuclear family.Family size should be based on how much you can support....I err on collectivism than individualism ideals.Polygamy or monogamy is left up to the individual but certainly a lot of so called monogamous relationships aren't o...some where along d line u get infidelity.Having spoken to quite a bit of couples who have been together for years...I think it comes down to how couples manage it and deal with it, will determine if the relationship ends or if they come out of it stronger.
Happiness is relative so its up to the individual to introspect and define his or her definition of happiness and seek a partner who has a similar definition and ideals.Regarding gender roles I don't really believe in them...
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Post by Her Highness on Dec 9, 2015 15:28:28 GMT
Personally I think the ideal family is the extended family rather than the nuclear family. Family size should be based on how much you can support....I err on collectivism than individualism ideals.Polygamy or monogamy is left up to the individual but certainly a lot of so called monogamous relationships aren't o...some where along d line u get infidelity.Having spoken to quite a bit of couples who have been together for years...I think it comes down to how couples manage it and deal with it, will determine if the relationship ends or if they come out of it stronger. Happiness is relative so its up to the individual to introspect and define his or her definition of happiness and seek a partner who has a similar definition and ideals.Regarding gender roles I don't really believe in them... Can you please expand on the bolded? And don't you believe that most polygamous marriages result from infidelity? I mean, a man doesn't just go out one day and bring home a second wife. Divorce rate in America is currently 53%, the divorce rate in Yorubaland is also high. Are we really meant to settle down or are we settling down for the wrong reasons? |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 9, 2015 15:44:10 GMT
Personally I think the ideal family is the extended family rather than the nuclear family. Family size should be based on how much you can support....I err on collectivism than individualism ideals.Polygamy or monogamy is left up to the individual but certainly a lot of so called monogamous relationships aren't o...some where along d line u get infidelity.Having spoken to quite a bit of couples who have been together for years...I think it comes down to how couples manage it and deal with it, will determine if the relationship ends or if they come out of it stronger. Happiness is relative so its up to the individual to introspect and define his or her definition of happiness and seek a partner who has a similar definition and ideals.Regarding gender roles I don't really believe in them... Can you please expand on the bolded? And don't you believe that most polygamous marriages result from infidelity? I mean, a man doesn't just go out one day and bring home a second wife. Divorce rate in America is currently 53%, the divorce rate in Yorubaland is also high. Are we really meant to settle down or are we settling down for the wrong reasons? One of the issues with nuclear family is the lack of support for the pikins and also elderly folks like parents etc.I prefer the extended family where there is an aunt,grandma etc that can help out whilst also imparting knowledge to the pikin...just my own personal opinion. I disagree with you on the polygamous marriage stuff.I grew up as a Muslim and my moms was a second wife and she and the first wife were good friends o.They still speak to each other.I don't believe they are a result of infidelity nor does it always have to be conflict oriented...it all boils down to the sincerity and maturity of folks within a relationship.I am realist...a lot of monogamous relationships have infidelity and if you leave every time ,u go tire pass from man to man and also we have the issue of the feminization of poverty. Human tire sex too much to love when truth be told many times ppl have sex with no sense of love involved.I understand folks being devastated with infidelity but then how do we react towards it? Trini ppl usually say a horn is just a horn unless yuh tek it on...meaning its all how you react to it.Perhaps I am too cynical...but I deem infidelity as a fact of life where both the male or female cheat....to me polygamous relationships and marriages are more honest with regards to the human animal nature....just my opinion.Btw I am okay with both monogamy or polygamy....just don't want u thinking I am hating on monogamy. |
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Post by Her Highness on Dec 9, 2015 16:56:35 GMT
Can you please expand on the bolded? And don't you believe that most polygamous marriages result from infidelity? I mean, a man doesn't just go out one day and bring home a second wife. Divorce rate in America is currently 53%, the divorce rate in Yorubaland is also high. Are we really meant to settle down or are we settling down for the wrong reasons? One of the issues with nuclear family is the lack of support for the pikins and also elderly folks like parents etc.I prefer the extended family where there is an aunt,grandma etc that can help out whilst also imparting knowledge to the pikin...just my own personal opinion. I disagree with you on the polygamous marriage stuff.I grew up as a Muslim and my moms was a second wife and she and the first wife were good friends o.They still speak to each other.I don't believe they are a result of infidelity nor does it always have to be conflict oriented...it all boils down to the sincerity and maturity of folks within a relationship.I am realist...a lot of monogamous relationships have infidelity and if you leave every time ,u go tire pass from man to man and also we have the issue of the feminization of poverty. Human tire sex too much to love when truth be told many times ppl have sex with no sense of love involved.I understand folks being devastated with infidelity but then how do we react towards it? Trini ppl usually say a horn is just a horn unless yuh tek it on...meaning its all how you react to it.Perhaps I am too cynical...but I deem infidelity as a fact of life where both the male or female cheat....to me polygamous relationships and marriages are more honest with regards to the human animal nature....just my opinion.Btw I am okay with both monogamy or polygamy....just don't want u thinking I am hating on monogamy. I'm going to disagree with a few of your points and I hope you forgive moi. 1. You mentioned that your mom was a second wife and that it wasn't a result of infidelity. How manage? Did he and his first wife agreed to have a second wife? Did they have the discussion before he brought home your mom. I believe polygamy is an aftereffect of monogamous infidelity. Society looks at it as a religious and cultural norm, so no one really asks the question "how did he meet his other wives?". Marriage needs courtship, romance and emotional trust [and all the other salty stuff] to occur. They need time. 2. Polygamous relationship are more honest? I beg to differ. Just because a man has multiple wives at home don't mean he ain't fucking around. I can't fathom a scenario where the 1st/2nd/3rd wives are okay with their husband looking for a 4th wife. I can't imagine a scenario where they'd ask him to bring them another housemate. Can you think of any sincere reasons why a women would tell her husband to bring home another woman, apart from barrenness? Or why a man would bring home a second wife, without the first wife's knowledge? I'm not saying you're okay with cheating, but I've talked to some women who don't see it as a big issue. Cheating is the ultimate betrayal of trust, emotion, care, relationship etc. It's an act of disrespect, selfishness, and lack of control. |
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Post by Her Highness on Dec 9, 2015 16:58:31 GMT
In a minute, I'll post my idea of an ideal family and why I think it's not achievable.
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Post by Omo Oba of the Source on Dec 9, 2015 17:23:05 GMT
One of the issues with nuclear family is the lack of support for the pikins and also elderly folks like parents etc.I prefer the extended family where there is an aunt,grandma etc that can help out whilst also imparting knowledge to the pikin...just my own personal opinion. I disagree with you on the polygamous marriage stuff.I grew up as a Muslim and my moms was a second wife and she and the first wife were good friends o.They still speak to each other.I don't believe they are a result of infidelity nor does it always have to be conflict oriented...it all boils down to the sincerity and maturity of folks within a relationship.I am realist...a lot of monogamous relationships have infidelity and if you leave every time ,u go tire pass from man to man and also we have the issue of the feminization of poverty. Human tire sex too much to love when truth be told many times ppl have sex with no sense of love involved.I understand folks being devastated with infidelity but then how do we react towards it? Trini ppl usually say a horn is just a horn unless yuh tek it on...meaning its all how you react to it.Perhaps I am too cynical...but I deem infidelity as a fact of life where both the male or female cheat....to me polygamous relationships and marriages are more honest with regards to the human animal nature....just my opinion.Btw I am okay with both monogamy or polygamy....just don't want u thinking I am hating on monogamy. I'm going to disagree with a few of your points and I hope you forgive moi. 1. You mentioned that your mom was a second wife and that it wasn't a result of infidelity. How manage? Did he and his first wife agreed to have a second wife? Did they have the discussion before he brought home your mom. I believe polygamy is an aftereffect of monogamous infidelity. Society looks at it as a religious and cultural norm, so no one really asks the question "how did he meet his other wives?". Marriage needs courtship, romance and emotional trust [and all the other salty stuff] to occur. They need time. 2. Polygamous relationship are more honest? I beg to differ. Just because a man has multiple wives at home don't mean he ain't fucking around. I can't fathom a scenario where the 1st/2nd/3rd wives are okay with their husband looking for a 4th wife. I can't imagine a scenario where they'd ask him to bring them another housemate. Can you think of any sincere reasons why a women would tell her husband to bring home another woman, apart from barrenness? Or why a man would bring home a second wife, without the first wife's knowledge? I'm not saying you're okay with cheating, but I've talked to some women who don't see it as a big issue. Cheating is the ultimate betrayal of trust, emotion, care, relationship etc. It's an act of disrespect, selfishness, and lack of control. You appear anti-polygamist - no offense. Marriage becoming polygamic is as a result of the absorption of western societal standards/religion. Traditional African society was accepting of polygamy and it worked on all levels till women thought white man's style was ultimate and men had to resort to cheating till they get caught or impregnate the other woman and they become bold with it. In fact, polygamy showed the level of a man's wealth/inflience in the previous generations. And women were accepting of their husbands getting other wives because it adds to their level of soceital importance and also only a 'wicked' woman in Yoruba soceity would prevent her man from taking more wives if he so wishes. |
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Post by Her Highness on Dec 9, 2015 17:33:26 GMT
I'm going to disagree with a few of your points and I hope you forgive moi. 1. You mentioned that your mom was a second wife and that it wasn't a result of infidelity. How manage? Did he and his first wife agreed to have a second wife? Did they have the discussion before he brought home your mom. I believe polygamy is an aftereffect of monogamous infidelity. Society looks at it as a religious and cultural norm, so no one really asks the question "how did he meet his other wives?". Marriage needs courtship, romance and emotional trust [and all the other salty stuff] to occur. They need time. 2. Polygamous relationship are more honest? I beg to differ. Just because a man has multiple wives at home don't mean he ain't fucking around. I can't fathom a scenario where the 1st/2nd/3rd wives are okay with their husband looking for a 4th wife. I can't imagine a scenario where they'd ask him to bring them another housemate. Can you think of any sincere reasons why a women would tell her husband to bring home another woman, apart from barrenness? Or why a man would bring home a second wife, without the first wife's knowledge? I'm not saying you're okay with cheating, but I've talked to some women who don't see it as a big issue. Cheating is the ultimate betrayal of trust, emotion, care, relationship etc. It's an act of disrespect, selfishness, and lack of control. You appear anti-polygamist - no offense. Marriage becoming polygamic is as a result of the absorption of western societal standards/religion. Traditional African society was accepting of polygamy and it worked on all levels till women thought white man's style was ultimate and men had to resort to cheating till they get caught or impregnate the other woman and they become bold with it. In fact, polygamy showed the level of a man's wealth/inflience in the previous generations. And women were accepting of their husbands getting other wives because it adds to their level of societal importance and also only a 'wicked' woman in Yoruba soceity would prevent her man from taking more wives if he so wishes. But you're not answering my questions though....... HOW does a man find his second wife? Yes, I'm anti-polygamist. In my relationship, the man belongs to me emotionally, sexually, economically, etc. I like a one man- one woman playing field, supported by a healthy dose of jealous emotion. A lot of the world's traditions needs to be scrapped, let's the honest. In the Yoruba culture, polygamy came about as an effect of war......less number of male survival, more women to be married off. Nowadays, we don't have that problem. So it's okay for a man to have multiple wives, but not okay for a woman to have multiple husbands? Is the husband not wicked also? |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 9, 2015 18:02:52 GMT
One of the issues with nuclear family is the lack of support for the pikins and also elderly folks like parents etc.I prefer the extended family where there is an aunt,grandma etc that can help out whilst also imparting knowledge to the pikin...just my own personal opinion. I disagree with you on the polygamous marriage stuff.I grew up as a Muslim and my moms was a second wife and she and the first wife were good friends o.They still speak to each other.I don't believe they are a result of infidelity nor does it always have to be conflict oriented...it all boils down to the sincerity and maturity of folks within a relationship.I am realist...a lot of monogamous relationships have infidelity and if you leave every time ,u go tire pass from man to man and also we have the issue of the feminization of poverty. Human tire sex too much to love when truth be told many times ppl have sex with no sense of love involved.I understand folks being devastated with infidelity but then how do we react towards it? Trini ppl usually say a horn is just a horn unless yuh tek it on...meaning its all how you react to it.Perhaps I am too cynical...but I deem infidelity as a fact of life where both the male or female cheat....to me polygamous relationships and marriages are more honest with regards to the human animal nature....just my opinion.Btw I am okay with both monogamy or polygamy....just don't want u thinking I am hating on monogamy. I'm going to disagree with a few of your points and I hope you forgive moi. 1. You mentioned that your mom was a second wife and that it wasn't a result of infidelity. How manage? Did he and his first wife agreed to have a second wife? Did they have the discussion before he brought home your mom. I believe polygamy is an aftereffect of monogamous infidelity. Society looks at it as a religious and cultural norm, so no one really asks the question "how did he meet his other wives?". Marriage needs courtship, romance and emotional trust [and all the other salty stuff] to occur. They need time. 2. Polygamous relationship are more honest? I beg to differ. Just because a man has multiple wives at home don't mean he ain't fucking around. I can't fathom a scenario where the 1st/2nd/3rd wives are okay with their husband looking for a 4th wife. I can't imagine a scenario where they'd ask him to bring them another housemate. Can you think of any sincere reasons why a women would tell her husband to bring home another woman, apart from barrenness? Or why a man would bring home a second wife, without the first wife's knowledge? I'm not saying you're okay with cheating, but I've talked to some women who don't see it as a big issue. Cheating is the ultimate betrayal of trust, emotion, care, relationship etc. It's an act of disrespect, selfishness, and lack of control. Lol..no need to forgive u chic we can both agree to disagree...no need for me to catch feelings on dt.Regarding your 1st point my moms and family grew up in a Muslim household...it all depends on how the person approach the topic of polygamy.Sometimes there is consultation and sometimes there isn't and no my moms wasn't with the guy before they got married.I can understand why you hold that view but not every woman is hung up on the mindset that he's my one and only guy.Some Muslim women are okay with polygamy because of religion and for some due to culture.I am not religious at all but I am okay with it.I don't feel threatened or anything by other females. Regarding your second point monogamous relationships are no better off than polygamous ones o.Most of the divorces and infidelity are coming from where?We as women can choose how we deal with situations and also choose whether to lie to ourselves or not.I rather my husband be honest with me where I know he sexed someone else than be dishonest about it.Unlike a lot of folks..no I don't tie sex to anything as love etc.I have no problem with another female being the 2nd wife to my guy once she is a decent human being,sincere and I can get along with her.Not every woman is evil nor do every woman seeks to compete with another woman. Chic not every woman wants to be harassed lol...if a another chic can help you out with chores etc why not?...also I find your argument is too male-centric.Are we saying only men cheat?...women cheat just as much just that they are able to conceal it better.How are men supposed to react o?How are men supposed to react when women make children for another man whilst passing off the pikin as his? Also why are we treating this polygamous stuff as if monogamy predated it when it is the reality for much of human history both male and females were polygamous? Is one supposed to destroy a living that is good just due to the fact a guy or woman sexed someone else? I am not condoning cheating but I am a realist.If so many folks are complaining about cheating...how do we deal with it? |
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Post by Honorebu on Dec 9, 2015 19:27:54 GMT
Hehehehe Her Highness why you come carry the matter ontop head like this?  
Shebi you already told us your stance on marriage?
Ewo wa lejo
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Post by Honorebu on Dec 9, 2015 19:41:13 GMT
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zaynie
Omo Egbe Kekere
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Post by zaynie on Dec 9, 2015 20:45:19 GMT
My ideal family structure is l
-an extended family made up of small family units (2-4 kids, monogamous) The agbo-ile kind of settings.
-Income could be dual or traditional. For me I prefer dual. Its healthy for the female child to have proof that all her education won't end up in the kitchen. What better proof than the mother's achievements?
- Happiness is number one.
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Post by Her Highness on Dec 9, 2015 22:32:43 GMT
I'm going to disagree with a few of your points and I hope you forgive moi. 1. You mentioned that your mom was a second wife and that it wasn't a result of infidelity. How manage? Did he and his first wife agreed to have a second wife? Did they have the discussion before he brought home your mom. I believe polygamy is an aftereffect of monogamous infidelity. Society looks at it as a religious and cultural norm, so no one really asks the question "how did he meet his other wives?". Marriage needs courtship, romance and emotional trust [and all the other salty stuff] to occur. They need time. 2. Polygamous relationship are more honest? I beg to differ. Just because a man has multiple wives at home don't mean he ain't fucking around. I can't fathom a scenario where the 1st/2nd/3rd wives are okay with their husband looking for a 4th wife. I can't imagine a scenario where they'd ask him to bring them another housemate. Can you think of any sincere reasons why a women would tell her husband to bring home another woman, apart from barrenness? Or why a man would bring home a second wife, without the first wife's knowledge? I'm not saying you're okay with cheating, but I've talked to some women who don't see it as a big issue. Cheating is the ultimate betrayal of trust, emotion, care, relationship etc. It's an act of disrespect, selfishness, and lack of control. Lol..no need to forgive u chic we can both agree to disagree...no need for me to catch feelings on dt.Regarding your 1st point my moms and family grew up in a Muslim household...it all depends on how the person approach the topic of polygamy.Sometimes there is consultation and sometimes there isn't and no my moms wasn't with the guy before they got married.I can understand why you hold that view but not every woman is hung up on the mindset that he's my one and only guy.Some Muslim women are okay with polygamy because of religion and for some due to culture.I am not religious at all but I am okay with it.I don't feel threatened or anything by other females. Regarding your second point monogamous relationships are no better off than polygamous ones o.Most of the divorces and infidelity are coming from where?We as women can choose how we deal with situations and also choose whether to lie to ourselves or not.I rather my husband be honest with me where I know he sexed someone else than be dishonest about it.Unlike a lot of folks..no I don't tie sex to anything as love etc.I have no problem with another female being the 2nd wife to my guy once she is a decent human being,sincere and I can get along with her.Not every woman is evil nor do every woman seeks to compete with another woman. Chic not every woman wants to be harassed lol...if a another chic can help you out with chores etc why not?...also I find your argument is too male-centric.Are we saying only men cheat?...women cheat just as much just that they are able to conceal it better.How are men supposed to react o? How are men supposed to react when women make children for another man whilst passing off the pikin as his? Also why are we treating this polygamous stuff as if monogamy predated it when it is the reality for much of human history both male and females were polygamous? Is one supposed to destroy a living that is good just due to the fact a guy or woman sexed someone else? I am not condoning cheating but I am a realist.If so many folks are complaining about cheating...how do we deal with it? You made some great points and I understand your position a lot clearer. For the consultation part, from cases that you may know, do you find that most women okay with the decision to bring home another wife? I hope you're not getting me wrong. I don't tie sex to love either, but once words of exclusiveness has been spoken, I expect my partner to act according to plan. Cheating breaks the broken contract. It may seem like I'm a bring male-centric, but then that's because I'm speaking from my perspective. Women do cheat, and I expect men to act as I would. Or better yet, whatever is best for the goose. @the bolded, you asked some pretty heavy question, which are beyond the scope of this question, but will be discussed in time. If a living is that good, I doubt a man would need to find a "better" puzzy [excuse my french] outside. If you don't draw the line at cheating, at what point would you? At domestic abuse? What's the difference between physical abuse and emotional [cheating] abuse? Different side-effects, same medicine. |
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